"Spider-pig...Spider-pig..."

Well, I can firmly, with no remorse, say that "Beauty and the Beast" was a piece of crap.

Now, before you go writing me off, hear me out on this one!

I suppose it's my own fault for seeing it sooo late in the game. I mean, it closed today after a fourteen year Broadway run. However, I don't think a show's quality should suffer just because its imminent demise is mere performances away. I think, buried in what I saw last night, there is a brilliant show. When it first opened, I have no doubt that it was a sparkling, bubbly, beautiful piece of theater. But, as is, it's...well, it's time to put the poor thing out to pasture.

Beauty and the Beast

The good things included the set, the spectacle, the wardrobe character...and that's about it. The Beast was abysmal. Just awful. He did this one thing in the first real interaction between Belle and Beast that was just...unforgivable. Childish and awkward and completely-out-of-character. It was the type of thing that's done superficially and only for a laugh and it was all wrong. From that point on, it was nearly impossible for him to recover, in my eyes. The supporting cast was ok, Lumiere, Cogsworth, Mrs. Potts...all serving their purpose without much cause for complaint or praise. Belle was a decent singer, but her speaking voice was oddly hushed and deep and she played the role without much girlishness or spark. It was uninspired, by-the-numbers, "I move here because the director told me to" sort of acting. A disappointment. And the ensemble seemed to have completely checked out. There was no power or energy behind their singing whatsoever. The dancing was decent, but they all seemed over it. I won't even start on Maurice. Eesh. Gaston was...ok.

But then there are the problems I have just with the show. Now, as I've said, I've never seen the show before, so I'm sure I would have appreciated some of this when I was younger and the performance quality was a bit higher, but what a cheesefest. The film is beautiful. It's at once haunting and thrilling and absurd and lovely. It's a nearly perfect film, if you ask me. And it's a cartoon! The problem with the stage show, I think, is that in trying to turn a cartoon into a stage musical, they upped the slapstick, one-liners, and kiddy humor considerably and came away with a product with much less integrity than the source material. It's a shame. I guess it might just be the difference between the mediums. It's hard to be subtle in a show geared towards families, because the audience expects broad comedy and a greater appeal for children's short attention spans. But there are important moments that are lost. And it reaches a level where, as an audience member, you feel talked down to. Bah. It's just a shame. I bet anything I would have loved the show ten years ago, but here, in 2007, it felt, as Lumiere might say, "flabby, fat, and lazy".

I left the theater with a killer headache, although that I can't blame on the show. Lindsay, Ellie, Danny and I went over to Westway Diner and ate and immediately following the meal the headache went into a dangerous migraine-like state. I'm not sure if it actually was one, but it had all the signs. I could stand the light, my eyes hurt, I felt nauseous. It was awful. I had to crawl into bed, down some ibuprofen and water, and rest a hot towel on my head until I fell asleep. The good news is I woke up feeling fine.

I worked today, which was sort of lame and draining. I grabbed a Certified Trainer application when I walked in, because tomorrow's the last day to submit and I'd been considering it...but, as usually happens, by the end of the shift I left wishing I never had to come back. It's just amazing to me that at the start of a shift and I can be in a place where I'm thinking, "Hey, I should try to become a trainer. I could do good things for new trainees," etc. and leave thinking, "Who am I kidding? I hate it here." I've outgrown it. It's tedious and frustrating and sometimes downright infuriating. So...I'm going to hold strong on my convictions to have another job secured by the end of September.

It rained most of the day, so thankfully the humidity broke a bit. It was actually breezy and kind of nice this evening. Ellie and I went to see "The Simpsons Movie", which was fantastic.

The Simpsons Movie

I'll keep my thoughts on this short and sweet, since my eyes are getting tired. I've always enjoyed The Simpsons. I've never been some rabid fan, but it's always good when there's nothing else on and there's such a charm to it. It's something our generation has grown up with. I mean, I can't remember a time when the show wasn't on. It's like an old friend...part of the family. So for those reasons and many others, I really adore the show. The movie doesn't break much new ground, but I was shocked by how funny it really was. The first act is fast and furious...non-stop gags. It slows down a bit, goes for some more poignant moments, and then ramps it back up for the end, which is just great. I was just so charmed by it all.

And really...how can you not love Spider-pig?

So that's all for today. If you'll excuse me, I have some hoof prints to wipe from the ceiling.

::sings softly to himself::

"Spider-pig...Spider-pig...doeswhateveraspiderpigdoes..."

The Grey, The Grease, and the Potter...

Well, it's been a few days. Over a week, actually.

I suppose I should start where life left off last. It was Ellie's birthday last Friday, so we celebrated by going to "Gypsy" and dinner Thursday night. Then on her actual birthday, she and I spent a lovely day at the beach at Coney Island, eating greasy food, sunning ourselves (or, in my case, lathering up a thick layer of SPF 40), and admiring hot lifeguard bulges, all while discussing the nearly-here Pottergasm and other deep subjects. All this was followed by another trip to the theater. Since it closes on Sunday, we decided to see "Grey Gardens", starring the beautiful and amazingly talented Christine Ebersole.

Grey Gardens

So here's the deal. I'd heard nothing but amazing things about this show. Seriously...not one ill word. And yet, I walked away from it feeling somewhat hollow. Christine Ebersole and Mary Louise Wilson give stunning performances, to be sure, but the show itself, I think, is immensely flawed. First off is the first act, which, if you've seen any advertisements for the show, you would never know existed. It's bright, cheery, elegant...the perfect East Hampton home. And I understand the whole point is to show the contrast between the home in the 40's and the 70's, but seriously...well, this is how I'll put it. I wish the show didn't have the first act, because I think it's pretty weak, musically, acting-wise...and slightly uninteresting. But the show wouldn't work without it. The second act is so adept at showing the squalor and hopelessness these two women have fallen into because the first act is so lovely. The second act, meanwhile, is so interesting, so tragic, and incredibly moving at times. So...it's a toss-up. I think the show would have been improved by the content of the first act showing up in flashback, extending the events of the second act and making them the primary narrative. Of course, Christine Ebersole couldn't have played both roles in that case, but there's something to be said for sacrificing that for the betterment of the show. I'm sure there are huge fans that could tell me exactly why it's so brilliant, but as such, I'm glad I saw it, but feel like I do, nevertheless.

So, moving on...

That night brought Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I started it that very night, reading a few chapters. Unfortunately, work broke up the constant stream of reading, but I finished it three days later and absolutely loved it. It was intensely satisfying. I may or may not have been quoted as saying...

"It was like a 759-page full body orgasm."

Ahem. Anyway...I'll spare the every detail, but I loved it, loved it, loved it. It was moving and funny and thrilling and wonderous. If you'd never read a Harry Potter book, I can say with no hesitation that even at the end of all things, it thrilled me just as much as the first time I read the first book. So take that as a recommendation. :0)

Along the way, I also bought a beautiful dark brown bed frame, which is something I'd been looking for for quite some time. It was a steal and although it isn't put together yet, I look forward to a big, beautiful bed to sleep on. Wee!

I also attended the invited dress rehearsal of "Grease"!

Grease

My wonderul ex-roommate, Emily Padgett, is a swing in the new Broadway production, so I was off to "Grease" for free!

The show had some pacing issues, but very cute and definitely has a lot of potential. If I were to recommend it to anyone, I'd say wait until previews are over and they've worked out all the kinks. Then it should be pretty good.

Aaaaand now I'm off to see the second to last performance of "Beauty and the Beast" ever. I'm excited. Never seen it before.

Until next time! :0)

Gypsies, Tramps, and...Wizards?

There are a few things I want to delve into today, so here goes. Where to start?

Well, tomorrow's the big day. Today, actually...technically. Well, technically tomorrow, but...whatev.


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Six words, ten syllables, thirty letters...tens of thousands of thoughts floating through my head.

I've got my copy on reserve at Barnes and Noble. And here I sit, a whole 22 hours to go, with butterflies in my stomach. I'm nervous. Is that insane? It's hitting me...the finality of the whole affair. I walked by a three-story screen in Times Square last night beaming the words "There Will Soon Be 7" upon the streets of New York. People read it aloud as they walked by and at once I realized how personal and universal a phenomonen the whole thing is. It's the most beloved book series in the world, but I feel like it's mine. It's special and it has a huge hold on my heart. That's the genius.

::sigh::

J.K. Rowling has set up for such final moments. A graduation, a wedding, DEATH, among others...and I think more than excitement, it's those things that are keeping my tummy in a flux. When I pick up my copy, it'll be the last time I buy a Harry Potter book for the first time. When I read the first page it'll be the last first page and when I close the book for the first time it'll be the last time I close a Harry Potter book for the first time.

::goes crosseyed::

So maybe I'm being dramatic..

But can ya blame me?

Anyway, enough about that.

Today is Ellie's birthday. And to celebrate, Tina, Ellie and I went to see PATTI LUPONE in "Gypsy". Notice the difference in size? Yeah, thought so. That should give you an idea of the evening.

I think what bothered me really (which wasn't Patti Lupone's performance, which I really liked), was that after so many performances of the show, it's like the character is in service of the actress rather than the other way around. What I mean is that the original character was made iconic by the potrayal...and every significant performance of it since then has been because the actress blows the lid off the role...whereas this sort of felt like, "We have an iconic actress playing an iconic role! Aren't you SO impressed?!" You know what? Give me a no-name who goes balls to the walls. Not Patti Lupone, who, while good, seemed aware that she was an actress playing Mama Rose rather than actually being Mama Rose. Do you see? Do you follow? Ok, maybe the performance bothered me slightly.

Eh...it was good. Not amazing.

And also...and this seems to becoming epidemic. I've discussed it with Lindsay, and we agree that we're somewhat stingy with our standing ovations. I'm all for standing and honoring a great performer or cast, but some people just toss 'em out there like it's nothing. As an actor, it's a great privelage to have an audience stand and applaud you. And there are four problems that arise when people stand IMMEDIATELY upon seeing the cast on stage...even when it's a mediocre show. One, it promotes the idea in peoples' minds that they should giving a standing ovation for EVERYTHING, not just the really special times. Two, if you're sitting behind these people, you can't see. Three, and this goes hand in hand with the last...sometimes I only want to stand for the performers that really moved me (ie, I stood for Lea Salonga in Les Mis, but not the tart playing Eponine, who...yeah). Third, I feel subconsciously judged by the people standing if I'm just sitting there like a bitchy lump. You know what? I'll stand when I'm ready to. I'm clapping, aren't I?

Ok, rant over. It's not really that big a deal...but I felt like mentioning it.

And that's it...the last blog I'll ever write before the first time I read the last Harry Potter book.

(...sorry.)

Beautiful Dreamer

Alex sat bolt upright, sweating through his pajamas, and shaking uncontrollably.

"Tina? Ellie?" he called; but there was only silence. Alex layed back and stared up at the canopy of his four-poster bed. His heart pounded and he occasionally glanced around the room to see that everything was in place. And it was. There were his fellow Gryffindors in their beds. The startlingly loud snores of Lindsay had just suddenly become audible over his pounding chest and he chuckled softly to himself.

Get ahold of yourself, Alex, he thought. Not that he was unjustified in his jitters. It had, after all, been a turbulent first few weeks of school. Harry Potter had not returned to Hogwarts and the rumor mill was open for business. With Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley remaining mum on any of Potter's plans outside the walls of Hogwarts, everyone turned to wild speculation and obscene hyperbole. My mother thinks he's dead where he stands, remarked a young, freckled third-year boy. A fifth-year Hufflepuff girl was found crying in the girl's bathroom, clutching a picture of Harry from The Daily Prophet and repeatedly muttering the words, Harry's gone...what now? What now? It was unsettling to say the least, although many had said Moaning Myrtle had influenced the girl's misery with incessant teasing. And then there was the first-year Slytherin girl, wicked beyond her years, taking bets on how long it would be before his body was found. Alex sometimes smirked at the thought. He knew that if Harry was going down, he'd fight til his body was as dust.

In any event, things were getting worse. Even the teachers were in an uproar. With no one to fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts position after the "incident" (as most teachers had taken to calling it) at the close of last term, each teacher had been taking turns filling in. It was disruptive for all parties, although the teachers seemed to be taking it the hardest of all. Professor Sprout began sobbing uncontrollably half-way through her first lesson when she had mistakenly referred to an Able Dunderforth as Albus Dumbledore. The class was cancelled and no one, with the exception of Hermione, was sure what an Able Dunderforth actually was. And Hagrid's lesson was so nightmarish, it didn't bear worth repeating. Only McGonagall had completed a week of steady courses without incident, although her lined face seemed more tense than ever. She was a good Headmistress, but the world closing in around Hogwarts had clearly taken its toll on her.

Worst of all was Alex's nagging, irrational jealousy. He felt the heat under his collar rise whenever Harry Potter's name was brought up, and these days, it was all the time. Not that he wished his parents were dead...or that he had faced You-Know-Who several times...or that he had been prophesized to kill You-Know-Who or be killed... but he craved adventure. Something out in the dark night called to him; a hunger to explore; a need to see the world and do something significant.

As he turned over, determined to fall back asleep, he couldn't shake the feeling that his dream had meant something. Harry Potter had been drowning... of this he was sure. And with his last breath, he had called out to Alex.

Alex shook his head and closed his eyes. It was silly, perhaps, to imagine any sort of connection to "The Chosen One" being possible. They were classmates. That was it. And even now, in Harry's absense, they weren't even that.

It was then that Alex heard it; as clearly as it had been in his dream. A far away voice calling his name. Screaming, in blood-freezing clarity. His eyes shot open and he sat upright once more. Although this time he wasn't alone.

"Alex?" whispered Lindsay through the darkness, "What was that?"

God, I'm excited. Three days.

Let's Get Down To Business

When I arrived at work today and was unable to pick up, I was initially really discouraged. Not because I actually wanted to work, mind you. Oho, no. It was just one of those moments when nothing seems to be working out. Let me explain.

I am flat broke.

I mean, it's not really my fault. I just paid rent, so my bank account is basically empty, but still...it was just a bummer. I really needed the money, but then...so did everyone else working, it seems. On top of that, I have this looming dollar sign floating over my head at all times for things like bills, next month's rent, loan payments to my dad, etc. Then there's the job. Bubba's has always been decent to me. I'm comfortable there, but it's time to start anew. I need a different environment. I'm stuck in the shrimp guts mud and I need to break someone's face free. But then there's Houston's, who hasn't called me back. Talk about discouraging. One of the few places that feel like a no-brainer, easy-peasy. And no call. Bummer, right?

So I took a step back. And I breathed in and out. And I took a walk around midtown. I stopped by Barnes & Noble, picked up a planner, and some highlighters at Staples and said, "Time to get serious. Time to get organized."

And so that's the plan. I need some structure. Structure, structure, structure.

Yes...wish me luck.

(Oh, 7 more days. Wee!)

Something Wicked This Way Comes

So here it is.

A new Blog.

No longer merely a journal that is live, my rants have graduated to this thing called...Blog.

And it has been a WHILE since I've added anything new to this here internet. My last livejournal post was on November 2, 2006. Eek. Well, I can assure you I have been alive since then and I have been doing quite well. So with that extensive catch-up over, we can begin anew!

It seems fitting that my first attempt at something like this comes on the eve of obsession. It was only 4 and a half years ago that I started my livejournal plagued by the ever-present Zelda-lust that rests inside my heart. And here, on Friday the 13th, no less, I've let my Potter-mania give birth to a new creative venture.

Hey, that sounded kind of cool, huh? No? Alright.

That's right...it's only 8 more days of waiting until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows shall be mine. Oh, and about 20 million other peoples' too, but that's not important. This is a time I'll look back on in my life and remember fondly. Well, hopefully. I'll spare you my less-than-kind assessment of the fifth movie and instead stay positive and focus on what will surely be one of the greatest books of all time.

I simply cannot wait.

And furthermore, I cannot wait to embark on this new writing adventure. Who knows what will become of this blog? Perhaps it'll become famous, or solve world hunger, or cover the middle east in a blanket of peace...or, I suppose, it might just settle into a steady-paying job, marry some trashy broad, have a couple of kids and commit suicide in its garage.

Either way, game on!